Adoptees struggle with these seven Core Issues:
Loss – Fear of ultimate abandonment. They have lost biological, genetic and cultural history. They have issues with holding on and letting go.
Rejection – Issues of self-esteem. They feel they can only be chosen if rejected first. They anticipate rejection and mis-perceive rejection in situations where none is intended.
Guilt/Shame – They feel they deserve misfortune. They are ashamed of being different, ashamed of their past and of their history. They may take a defensive stance as a coping mechanism.
Grief – Grief may be overlooked in childhood and blocked by the adult. This can lead to depression or acting out.
Identity – Lack of information about their history may impede integration of identity. They may search for identity in inappropriate ways such as early pregnancy, ineffective relationships, or extreme behaviors in order to create a sense of belonging.
Intimacy – Fear of getting close and reenacting earlier losses. Fear that if others know who they “really are” they will be rejected.
Control – Cause and effect thinking may be skewed. Adoption has altered their life course without any input from them.
If you find that you or your child is having a particularly difficult time in any of these areas, seeking counseling from a professional that is familiar with these issues can help.